Now what?

As life takes it's twists and turns, we need to makes adjustments and changes. Some of those are easier then others and I always need time to adjust to change.

I find my feelings are rather confused these days. I find myself doing things that could and should be done, but are not things that must be done. I put off projects that feel overwhelming but I know that I had better do them while I have the chance.

Although I don't wish to go back to life a few months ago, I find myself a bit lost. I liked the connection Wil and I had during that time, while we focused on the same mission of caring for his Mom. It never ceased to amaze me how many people thanked me for taking care of my mother-in-law. I'd often wonder why it meant so much to them but I appreciated their encouragement. Even though caring for Mom was a tough journey, it was fulfilling.

I am now working a few more hours at the office, but I still have Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday here at home. I can finally work out on my treadmill more then 20-30 minutes a day, which is great. I can watch my grandsons more, which I enjoy. I can clean and clean and clean and no one besides me, cares or even notices unless I point it out. I love the snow, but I long for Spring time when I can work outside. Working outside has always been much more fulfilling for me then cleaning my house.

I worked full time for so many years that I find myself feeling guilty for being at home this much and not being able to help out as much financially. I have started making the yogurt that Wil always made, and I would now feel guilty if he ran out of clean socks or underwear, where as before I would have thought that he could have thrown them in the wash as well as myself:) I also find that I shop differently then I did when I was working full time. Wil is probably glad that I'm the one paying the bills. While there are things that I don't miss about working full time, the things I miss the most are, working side by side with Jan Lauver and the interaction with patients. Some of those people have become quite special over the years. One patient prayed daily for me and sent me cards, while I was taking care of mom. What a gift!