Please Lord

Fill my cup-Give me thicker skin-Help me not to take things so personal-Help me be Gentle-Help me to be understanding-and please explain why Mother was given both Dementia and Parkinson-what are wanting to teach me-I know that I'm a slow learner, but after my day yesterday, I thought I deserved a break.

Just like all you other Care Givers, of young or old, this morning I allowed myself some tears. We all have them lurking around the corner, but like you, I try and be tough. It's easy to feel defeated when we allow them to flow, but this morning I gained strength in them.

My day yesterday consisted of a lot of trips to the BR, with me doing all the lifting, which made me physically tired. Mother then had the disappointment of having her sister change her mind about coming to visit. I was a bit bitter, thinking that I could have worked outside some before the rain, had I known. Pastor Ben and Rose came to visit later in the afternoon and saved our day.

On the potty visit after Dinner, I had to yell for Wil's help, since her legs buckled and I wasn't able to handle her without hurting her as well.

On the bright side-She slept all night. 8 PM-6AM! The 1st in a long time.

This morning-she helped some on the transfer to the toilet. We were visiting, having a good time, all was well. Then-BAM! I need to get off this chair NOW! The transfer to the wheelchair was not smooth. After hearing her say things like, "well I didn't hear you or I didn't understand you'(while I'm smack beside her, talking into her ear), she ends up on the edge of the seat. She then starts......"well, you....But by then I had, had enough.

No Mom, there is no "well you". I am the one that is trying to help you, I am the one that is hurting my back helping you, and I don't appreciate you trying to blame me when you can't do someting right. Tell me, I'm sorry..I just couldn't do it, but don't put it on me. I'll gladly try and lift you, but sometimes that means that our knees will bump and sometimes your face will bump my chest, but don't accuse me of hurting you or being the reason things went wrong.

I fix her favorite breakfast, baked oatmeal with raisins and Yogurt, then I added a banana to it. As I set it down at the table, she says "Oh my favorite food, why can't I ever have some banana"? At that moment I decided it best, that we bow our heads for prayer and I seriously considered, Silent Prayer:) I decided that I needed to pray out loud to make sure that I prayed and not just stewed. It's was amazing how small my current frustrations seemed as I prayed for Uncle Harvey's recovery in the hospital and for the healing of the Swartzentruber Familys pain.

I won't share all the details during and after breakfast, but I want to share the comments that keep me going. After some of the things, she said, "now don't go and tell the girls what I said." Even she, doesn't always like what that shrinking brain makes her says.

"Oh Kathy...you make me laugh!" or like, after I rubbed lotion on her legs and put her socks on, "Oh, if you wouldn't be so far away, I'd kiss you...that feels so good, you take such good care of me."