Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Tribute to Mom-Barbara
This is the Tribute that I read at my Mother-in-law, Barbara Beachy's funeral today.
Mom, I can’t really imagine life without you. Most of our married life was lived next to you and we have so many memories. My most current memories, of course, are the most fresh in my mind. This past week was such a hard week as we children sat with you day and night as you finished your last struggle here on earth. The week was an emotional journey for the family, wanting it to be over for you but also struggling with feelings of loss. It’s interesting how waves of emotions can hit me, and other times there are no emotions. Saturday morning, as I lay in my bed, for the first time in almost a week, I was thinking of all the things that would be different for me now and what I would miss. The 1st thing that came to my mind, was our conversation when I’d transfer you. “Ok Mom, now I need for you to give me a big hug, pretend you love me and hug me real tight”, and often your response would be, “oh, sure I can do that, of course I love you.”
The morning breakfast time was always a special time; it was when you were often the most positive about life. Even now, I can hear you as you take the 1st sip of your warm Dandy blend drink in the morning. “Oh my, that is so good”. Of course, you especially liked when I put plenty of creamer in it. As we sat at the table, you noticed everything. The birds, and not only that there were birds, but the kind of birds. And you loved to watch the squirrels jump from branch to branch. You would marvel at how tall the trees were.
That was often the times that I would ask you questions about things in your younger life. Sometimes you would tell me things, and then you would say, “Now don’t you go and tell anyone else”. You would often fret that your memory is so bad and yet today, I fret that I can’t remember the things you told me about your feelings when each one of your children were born. And more recently, after we had Hospice, we would often talk about your desire to go to heaven and your frustration with living when your body was failing so badly. We also listened to the same CD’s every morning and if I forgot to turn them on, you would remind me. There simply wasn’t much that you missed. If you were at the table or sitting by the patio door, you would give me a play by play description of the activities next door at your grandson, Matt and Monica’s place.
I always appreciated your acceptance of me into the family, when Wil and I got married. That acceptance, which continued throughout the years, made it much easier to make the decision to bring you home to live with us, and take care of you.
At 1st when you came to live with us, we both had huge adjustments to make. I soon learned that if I wanted you to do something that you didn’t want to do; I only needed to say, “Mom, Wil said that you should do this.” I took advantage of that admiration for your son and used it many times to my advantage. By noon, you were often asking, “when is Wil coming home?” It was a good feeling the last few months when you would be so happy to see me after I had worked a long day. You would often say, “Praise the Lord, you are finally home, why did you have to work so long?” Sometimes you would look at Wil and say, “she knows just what to do”. It was a good feeling to know that you had that confidence in me.
Of course when you 1st came to live with us, it was summer and you loved to sit out on the deck in your wheelchair. Nothing made you happier than when the great-grandsons would come over and entertain you with their rides down the wheelchair ramp. It became routine for them to come over at least every evening and sometimes during the day. You soon really bonded with those little boys. You thought it was awful if they missed coming a day. You loved the extra attention that you got from little Jeremiah and we always knew you would get enough to drink if he was around. You enjoyed listening to Sawyer’s big talk. At times when you weren’t eating well and feeling very weak, I’d ask you if you were going to be like Sawyer and not eat your food, you would get a big grin and mimic him and say, “I’m not going to eat that food”! You enjoyed Brennan’s caring personality and you would be so happy to know, that knowing that you really were going to die, he so wished for you to be able to die on Thursday since it would have been you and Daudy’s anniversary and he thought, that would be nice, and then he insisted on staying in the room with you, while the rest of us ate. He said he wasn’t hungry and that he would let us know if you died. After school started, you would always watch for Isaiah’s bus. You would say, “The boy’s home,” and if you had guests at the time, you would tell them, that sometimes he stops in, but probably not today since you are here, because he’s kind of shy. You would often say, “I love those boys”.
And then there were all those times that your body would choose to pass out, and your grandson Matt would come to the rescue to help lift you. When you would wake up, Matt would say, “Grandma” and you would say, “Matt! I love you Matt!
You always looked forward to the days that your daughter, Mary would come out after work or when she would spend an evening with you. Whenever you were feeling pretty weak, you wanted to make sure we had let Mary know. You would always say, “I’m sure Mary would come if she knew how bad I was feeling.”
It made you so happy when your daughter Sue and her husband David would come to visit from Kansas. Those were special times and even though they made quite a few trips in here this last year, they could never come often enough for you. After they were here, caring for you in October, I started making baked oatmeal with raisins, because you learned how good raisins were for you, from David. Each morning as you ate a raisin, you would say, “David likes raisins”. He also started a tradition of reading a Psalm to you at night and it’s a tradition that Wil continued until your death. It was a special time for both you and Wil. Even one of the last nights, when you were barely talking anymore, you repeated, “surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”
You loved all your grandchildren and great-grandchildren and it was special to you when they came to visit you. You would often tell me about some of your special feelings that you had for them individually.
You always looked forward to Thursday because you knew that Neil and Alma would come that day. You enjoyed all your guests but that was a day you could bank on for sure.
You had a special bond with Marilyn, Dad’s niece, who cared for you on Mondays, when I worked. I loved hearing the two of you talk and laugh together. You were always afraid that Marilyn would get hurt from lifting you and really missed her when the time came that we felt it was too much for her. I will not forget how happy you were to see her last Monday and the big hug you two gave each other
There were others that had that special bond with you and when they came to visit, it was always obvious in your face. The times that your sister and brothers were able to come visit were special to you. Even though you were weak, you rallied for your visit with them.
Mom, I could go on and on about the times when we lived next to you when our children were young. How hard you worked to teach Matt the Pennsylvania Dutch language. The times Melissa would spend with you reading Readers Digests, or making a mess frying Dandelions in the kitchen.
Your children have story after story of memories from you at home. I don’t know of any family that had more little sayings than your family. I will always remember the grin on your face when Wil would repeat some of those things.
My most precious memory will be from this past Tuesday morning, when you could barely talk and had brief moments of consciousness and you would look at me, over and over and tenderly say, “I love you Kathy”! You had told me that on numerous occasions but that was probably the most special moment. You also had the opportunity to tell Wil and Mary that as well. Later in the afternoon, Sue called to tell you that she loved you and to tell you good-bye, so you were also able to tell her, that you loved her.
Today, I’m glad that you are in Heaven with Dad and that your body is whole and you no longer need to ask, “What is wrong with me”? Your last words to me were, "Let's go!" and I said , "where do you want to go Mom? Do you want to go to Heaven?" You nodded your head, yes and said, "let's hurry and go." Good bye, Mom we will see you in Heaven.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Peace Perfect Peace
Because of the Holiday and no newspaper tomorrow it has been decided to have the viewing Monday and the Funeral on Tuesday at 10:00.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
We wait
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas 2010
Today-We enjoyed having my parents and Norm & Carol here for lunch and the afternoon. My parents hadn’t been at our house for 6 months, so it was special to have them here. Wil’s Mom was not able to join us at the table but was in the recliner next to the table. I thought we would play games in the afternoon, but the turkey made us all tired and so we ended up resting and visiting on the recliners. Carol made her rounds and worked on most of our feet.
Christmas Eve, we had our traditional wet burrito casserole with ours kids that are around here. We had a fun evening, in spite of everything.
Grandma Barbara has not been doing well at all, the last few days. Thursday night was a tough night, then after sleeping in on Christmas Eve morning, she woke up saying she felt better then she had in quite a while. That was short lived. By the time she was done eating breakfast, her BP dropped, she wasn’t feeling well, was confused and was not the easiest to make happy, to say the least. At one point, while I was on the phone with Monica, I looked over at Mom, who was sitting in her wheelchair watching Wil cut down a tree, and she had leaned way forward and looked like she could fall off her chair any minute. I ran over and sat her up and asked what she was doing, she said that had I told her to do that. Most of the afternoon, it was hard to get much of a response from her. She ate very little at our family dinner and I could tell that it really bothered Brennan, the way she was looking and her lack of response.
Later after she had been in bed for about an hour, she had two different group of Christmas Carolers. That seemed to bring her back to life for a while. She responded more to the kids after that.
Jeremiah decided he wanted to watch Grandma Barbara’s, "How Great Thou Art" video with her.
The night, however, ended up being a really tough night. Starting at 2:30, she was calling out saying, Oh my, Oh my. When I got down, she asked about the strawberries, did I get them done. I assured her that yes, I did, even though I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. She then talked of her pain and so I repositioned her. This kind of thing was constant until 6 AM. Wil went down a few times and sometimes we both went down. A lot of the time, I just stayed in bed and listened to her, since there was nothing more to do. Finally at 6:00, I asked if I should pray with her and she said yes. I just started praying when she said, now my feet hurt! Exhausted, I repositioned her yet again and turned on her How Great Thou Art video and within 5 minutes she finally went to sleep. She slept until 8:30, then woke up in good spirits. That lasted about 20 minutes. Most of the day she said very little and often we struggled knowing what she was trying to say. The last few days, her skin on her face feels cold most of the time and her body is becoming very frail. This evening we wondered if she would be able to talk with us again. We called Pastor Ben and I just wrote a text message to all the grandchildren and was ready to send it, when she snapped out it and started to carry on a conversation with us!! Granted she was somewhat confused but she mostly made sense. She talked of dying, asked how she can go and just has no desire to live like this. Tonight we go to bed once again wondering………….
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Beachyville NH update
Having Hospice has been a blessing but also another change. Those of you that know me well. know that it takes me time to adjust to change. That 1st week, I had so visits to schedule and new people in and out of my house. I guess you could call us Beachyville Nursing Home. The Nurse comes out 2-3 times a week, an Aide 2 times a week to bathe, Social worker-whenever, Chaplain-whenever and starting this week a volunteer will come to sit with Mom, so I can can have "me time".
How is Grandma Barbara? I really don't know. Yesterday, she slept very little after 11am. She had a fair amount of visitors, but even in the evening, she was awake. Today, she can't seeming stay awake and has eaten very little. She seems so alert one day and the next day it feels like she can't live much longer.
This week we have had Isaiah with us since Sunday morning. He started not feeling well Friday, and by Monday, during the night, his temp went up to 103.8. Monica took him to the Doctor Tuesday and he has Strep Throat. He has been camping out in our bedroom or the guest bedroom most of the time. We are trying to get him fixed up so he can travel home to AZ on Saturday for Christmas break. He is looking forward to that. He is doing so well at Westview and is one of the top ones in his class. It makes us all happy to him so up beat about school.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Special Moments
Our daughter-in-law, Monica said that Grandma Barbara is just like a computer, she needs to shut down and re-boot every now and then!
The Nurse checked her out. Her Oxygen was good, her BP was actually elevated because by this time, her Parkinson tremors were quite bad. Wil and Matt went back to work, the Nurse left and Mom slept.
Wil's sister, Mary came after she got off work and so the 3 of us girls were all here for the Hospice admission. I was so glad Sue and Mary could meet Candice, the Nurse, because I have really been impressed with her.
Marilyn(who helps care for Mom on Mondays) and her sister Joyce stopped in to visit, late afternoon. Mom was so happy to see them. She really likes and loves Marilyn. She was so talkative and upbeat while they were here. In fact during the night when she woke up, she said, "oh I still can't believe David and Mary Ellen's girls were here, that was so nice."
Wil worked late since it's been a struggle to get his work done of late with all the activity here at home. The 3 of us girls ate dinner with Mom but she wasn't eating much and soon was talking of the need to go to bed. She had hardly eaten anything. One look at her and I was quite sure her B/P was dropping. Sure enough 60/43. We got her to the restroom and to bed as soon as possible. After Wil came home and Mom had rested some, Wil did the routine thing and read to her in the Psalms. We were all in the bedroom for this time and then we asked if she would like us to sing. She requested that we sing, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. After we sang the song, she requested for it to be sung at her funeral, and then said that she would like to tell us which other songs to have at her funeral. We sang until our voices were getting weary. We then gathered around her and prayed. We were not expecting her to say a prayer, but she did and it was very special. Our time together will be remembered.
I slept in the LR last night to make sure that I hear her. Her voice is kind of weak after she sleeps with her mouth open and all the apnea. I got her up on the comode once during the night and again this morning. Since about 4:00 this morning, her breathing sounded like she should bring up something which she is normally not able to do. When I got her up at 7:45, a lot came up when she coughed. She is now back in bed and breathing without the gurgling sound.
She may still be with us a long time, but right now it doesn't appear that way. At the same time, we change what we think numerous times though out the day.