Hydraulic Lift

I discovered that it’s hard to take your own picture!

Tuesday was my 1st day, caring for Mom alone since her episode on Thursday. I told Wil that I had to have the Lift, that the Home Health Nurses kept telling me about. Park Home Medical delivered it last night. I almost cried, when I saw it! It’s a huge apparatus that appeared so cumbersome to use. Sue told me to go ahead and cry, when I told her about it. The main reason that I wanted something, was for something to help me transfer her in the bathroom. Having her in an upright position while pulling down or up her depends, when she is too weak to stand, is a challenge. Well, believe me, my bathroom would need to be twice as wide in order for that lift to work in the bathroom.

You are not to push the hoist while the patient is in it, but we put Isaiah in it and tried it anyway. It’s impossible, but….we all laughed so hard in the process of trying and it helped calm me down a bit! Today, I will try and use it to transfer from the chair to the wheel chair and decide, if we keep it.

Well, so now I have one more piece of furniture to add to my house. In my mind, there was only one option. Rearrange the furniture. So at 9:30 last evening, we did just that!

		Thanksgiving VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Follow up on Please Lord-Post

Tonight I'm thankful for all of your prayers. I'm real tired but I'm not frustrated and overwhelmed.

On Thanksgiving morning, We thought Mom had passed on. I really believe she left us for a while. It was quite an experience. She didn't recover from this one like she did all the others. She has been weak and reflective, most of the time since. She LOVES company, and you wouldn't know during the time that it's wearing her out, but as soon as people leave, her BP drops and she is sooo tired. I am not saying that to discourage people from coming, because she would be sad if no one came. Friday morning her 3 sibling were here to see her. I could only get a picture of her with her brother John, since the other two are Amish.

We have had a lot of special moments. Tonight she took my hand and said, “I love you Kathy”. I often told Wil that whenever I’d give her a kiss at night she would say, “bless you”! As if I was giving her a Holy Kiss at church. Sometimes, she would say, “I love you too”. It was nice to hear her saying it 1st.

When her BP is low, she is is weaker and then it’s nice to have two people around to transfer her. Since it was Thanksgiving Holiday, I had Wil and his sister Mary here a lot more.

It seems the Parkinson and her age is getting the best of her.

This picture was taken last week. Mom was wishing she could see the dishes she gave us (given to them by Grandpa Beachys) displayed in the desk before she passes on. The desk was also given to them by Grandpa Beachys, in 1951, and has been passed on to us.

Please Lord

Fill my cup-Give me thicker skin-Help me not to take things so personal-Help me be Gentle-Help me to be understanding-and please explain why Mother was given both Dementia and Parkinson-what are wanting to teach me-I know that I'm a slow learner, but after my day yesterday, I thought I deserved a break.

Just like all you other Care Givers, of young or old, this morning I allowed myself some tears. We all have them lurking around the corner, but like you, I try and be tough. It's easy to feel defeated when we allow them to flow, but this morning I gained strength in them.

My day yesterday consisted of a lot of trips to the BR, with me doing all the lifting, which made me physically tired. Mother then had the disappointment of having her sister change her mind about coming to visit. I was a bit bitter, thinking that I could have worked outside some before the rain, had I known. Pastor Ben and Rose came to visit later in the afternoon and saved our day.

On the potty visit after Dinner, I had to yell for Wil's help, since her legs buckled and I wasn't able to handle her without hurting her as well.

On the bright side-She slept all night. 8 PM-6AM! The 1st in a long time.

This morning-she helped some on the transfer to the toilet. We were visiting, having a good time, all was well. Then-BAM! I need to get off this chair NOW! The transfer to the wheelchair was not smooth. After hearing her say things like, "well I didn't hear you or I didn't understand you'(while I'm smack beside her, talking into her ear), she ends up on the edge of the seat. She then starts......"well, you....But by then I had, had enough.

No Mom, there is no "well you". I am the one that is trying to help you, I am the one that is hurting my back helping you, and I don't appreciate you trying to blame me when you can't do someting right. Tell me, I'm sorry..I just couldn't do it, but don't put it on me. I'll gladly try and lift you, but sometimes that means that our knees will bump and sometimes your face will bump my chest, but don't accuse me of hurting you or being the reason things went wrong.

I fix her favorite breakfast, baked oatmeal with raisins and Yogurt, then I added a banana to it. As I set it down at the table, she says "Oh my favorite food, why can't I ever have some banana"? At that moment I decided it best, that we bow our heads for prayer and I seriously considered, Silent Prayer:) I decided that I needed to pray out loud to make sure that I prayed and not just stewed. It's was amazing how small my current frustrations seemed as I prayed for Uncle Harvey's recovery in the hospital and for the healing of the Swartzentruber Familys pain.

I won't share all the details during and after breakfast, but I want to share the comments that keep me going. After some of the things, she said, "now don't go and tell the girls what I said." Even she, doesn't always like what that shrinking brain makes her says.

"Oh Kathy...you make me laugh!" or like, after I rubbed lotion on her legs and put her socks on, "Oh, if you wouldn't be so far away, I'd kiss you...that feels so good, you take such good care of me."

Cutting-Splitting

I'm tired and want to go to bed, but I would feel bad going without 1st telling you about the wood cutting and splitting that got done here today. We have had big BIG chunks of wood that needed splitting that Wil and I have been working on. Either they make those chunks bigger than they used to or I'm not as strong as I used to be. Then this summer during one of the storms, we had a HUGE tree up rooted, right out close to the road. Eye Sore!

I had asked Lynette Showalter if they knew someone in our church that was out of work and was capable of cutting wood. Today, Conrad Showalter, Gerald Miller and James Miller came and did some amazing work. Wil took off work this afternoon to come home and help. I missed out since it was my day to work at Middlebury Chiropratic. My wonderful daughter-in-law, served the guys, cookies and coffee that she made. I regret not having before and after pictures of their work but I can't wait to see it much better in daylight. Wil's Mom was so happy that was done. She kept telling us that we should just pay someone to do it.

From the Young to the Old

Sawyer tends to play shy when he talks to Grandma, so he has to talk tough.  At 1st he said he was too busy to talk with her.

Jeremiah(14 months younger than Sawyer) on the other hand is full of hugs and kisses for her.  Whenever he comes to our house, he 1st heads for Papaw then it’s off to say Hi to Grandma Barbara, and he loves to give her a drink.  When he saw Wil was taking his picture, he almost couldn’t finish his hug because he had to get back to seeing the picture.

These two more than pay back Matt, for all the grief he gave me a toddlerI have said it before and I’ll say it again.  It’s been so HUGE to have them live so close during Grandma’s stay with us.  Matt has has to come home from work at least 3 times to help with Mom.  He has done things that he never thought he’d do.  The little boys make Mom come to life.  Brennan sometimes just enjoys sitting and listening to the conversations when Mom has company, even when they talk Dutch.  Sometimes if they laugh, he comes and asks me what was said.  Mom enjoys watching Isaiah get off the bus and she always tells her guests that Isaiah is more shy.  Whenever Isaiah is over here, she is very aware of his moods. 

When I took care of my leaves, I kept a pile out for the boys to play in.  It was a few days later before they had their fun.  By then the leaves were dry and they had them all mulched in no time at all.  I think they all needed baths.

Last evening when Sawyer was playing upstairs, he came running out on the loft and excitedly told his Daddy, he was talking to Grandma Vi on the phone and she said he could come over to their house! 

Unresponsive?

A lot of people ask me how my Mother-in-law, Barbara is. She has really been my 2nd Mom, for 37 years now. People say, wouldn't it be a lot easier if it were your own mother and they pity me that I need to take care of my Mother-in-law. Yes, I can use encouragement and yes I can use support, but I'm not asking for any pity. Does it sap my energy at times, do I get tired of being strapped down at times? Yes, but there are pluses. I have my days that I can't remember any of them, but most days I am aware of them. There are lots of special moments.

While we were in Florida, I was reminded that it was a lot like it used to be when we would go on vacation without our children. In the beginning our conversations were a lot about Mom. The week before we left, she kept making sure I remember to tell Sue every little detail. "Now what temperature do you let me sit outside, where do we put the dirty laundry, will Sue be able to transfer me, and the list went on.

We left on Friday and on the way home from our morning walk on Monday, we got a phone call that Mom was unresponsive and didn't appear to be breathing. Marilyn(neice and Monday care giver) and Sue(Wil's sister) were both with Mom and our son, Matt was on his way home form work to help. I surprised myself with my reaction. I simply lost it and didn't really care how many morning walkers saw me, sitting there, crying. I felt so bad, that here this was all going on and we weren't there for her. I didn't want her to have to live but neither did I want her to die just then. I know it doesn't make sense but that is what I was feeling. Without going into the details about the episode events, I do want to sing the praises of all who were there in our place. We are grateful to all of them. Matt was the one that Mom ended up responding to. He was told over and over, how much she loves him. She also asked him why she wasn't just allowed to die. She thought she was going to go home with Daudy.

Mom has been incredibly weak since we are at home. Poor Marilyn, once again today, Mom became unresponsive and Matt came home to help transfer her from her wheelchair to the recliner. Tonight when I came home, she seemed very tired but alert and we had a normal conversation. What does all this mean? Phone call to the Doctors...decisions on med changes, med eliminations, more difficult to have others help with the care giving.

I am grateful for a husband who helps with every detail of the care giving, grateful for Mary who comes(Wil's sister)and gives relief, even after a hard days work, Sue and David, for giving us vacation relief and being great encourager's, for Marilyn who comes every Monday while I go work at Middlebury Chiropractic, for Matt, who drops everything at work to run home for emergencies, Monica, my daughter-in-law, who often drops by with the grandsons, and the list goes on. Neil and Alma Beachy have visited Mom almost every Thursday since she was in the NH and now here at our home. Now, I will soon get myself into trouble...so I'll stop. There are many more of you that have been a blessing, too many to start naming.

Florida Vacation

It was great to sit on our balcony to eat breakfast and enjoy the view.

Then it was time to try and jump for my niece, Lynette. I didn’t get very far off the ground!

This is an old faithful restaurant for us whenever we go to Fort Lauderdale. We almost always order the same thing.

On our last evening we ate at Thai on the Beach Restaurant.  It was awesome.

This vacation was a lazy one and we enjoyed every minute of it, even though there was some trauma back home with Mom that stressed us some.  We ended up coming home two days early for Linda Schrock’s funeral.

		Our Room VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

		Our Food VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

		The Beach VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Great grandson-great grandma

Jeremiah gives Great-Grandma Barbara more attention then any of the children. He loves on her, is constantly bringing her water to her and saying, Grandma Baba…DRINK!

This morning he gets up on her bed and wanted to watch Veggie Tales on her little TV. She wouldn’t normally be sitting in there during the day but he wanted someone to watch with him.

And of course, he loves pushing her around. I normally need to guide. She LOVES the attention from him.

This is where Sawyer was while Jeremiah was watching Veggie Tales. At one point this morning, he didn’t listen to me so I gave him a time out. After a while he said, Grandma Kathy…I don’t like you very much. He told me numerous times, trying to pick an argument. I assured him that I loved him in spite of him not liking me.

It’s really amazing that this little stinker can be so naughty and yet was cute and loveable. His latest threat to his Mom was, if you do that again, I’ll poop in my pants forever! His Mommy was thinking, good luck finding a girlfriend.

For those of you that have been up and down our basement stairs, will appreciate our newly sanded and varnished stairs, and a “Beachy over-kill” railings. We used supplies that we had on hand, but am glad we didn’t need to pay anyone for the hours that we put into it! The motivation was, Wil’s sister and her husband will be coming to stay with Mom while we go on vacation. They will sleep in the basement and going up and down the stairs at night without a rail, she discovered is difficult.

We enjoyed having Melissa here for a week and she really enjoyed being here with Isaiah. During the day, she loved on her Nephews.

And she took the time to take all of them except Jeremiah to Daudy and Olive’s graves.

Backyardians Birthday-Sawyer-Plus

Sunday night we celebrated Sawyer's 3rd birthday. We love Sawyer and all the excitement and entertainment that he brings to our family.

Melissa is here right now and enjoying her son and nephews. I'm also enjoying having her be here with Grandma Barbara and having a better understanding of the interesting things she says and does.

Yesterday while at work I got a text from Melissa saying that she asked Grandma if she gets to watch Backyardigans a lot. She said, "I don't think so. I'm not very walkable."

Today while Melissa and I were watching TV, she also found out how interesting it can be when you watch something with Mom. Wil normally needs to hear everything, so that means a lot of rewinding.

Sometimes you just need to laugh

Do you ever really laugh about something, then wonder just how appropriate it was to laugh? It seems like the subject of death and dying is talked about much more in our home in the last few months than it ever was before.

Tonight at the dinner table Wil's Mom was asking why she just seemingly can't get any better. It seems to be a daily topic. I told her that one needs to want to live if they want to get better, and then I asked her if she wants to live. She said that she wasn't sure that she really wanted to. She then promptly looked at Wil and said, "did you know that Henry isn't doing very good?" She went on to say, "you know, he could even die before me." Wil looked at her and said, "well, if you can do anything about it, we'd really appreciate if you wouldn't both die at the same time." I simply split out laughing until the tears came! The Mom says, "well maybe we should try and arrange that." Of course then I laughed again. Maybe you just had to be there, I don't know.